#YearOfHealed

For the past few years I’ve chosen a Word of the Year and doing this should really come with a warning - “Do not choose a word unless you wish to be pushed to your very limits to learn wholeheartedly what that word is all about.” So consider yourself warned ;)

Here’s what I mean… Focusing on contentment requires learning to live with exactly what you have, whether abundance or bare minimum. It asks you to let go of those expectations and comparisons that so easily creep into our hearts and souls. Focusing on surrender presses us into the uncomfortable and allows us to learn to live fully with open hands. Both of these are examples I have lived through as these were my words the past few years. The situations we have faced while focusing on contentment and surrender have broken me into a countless tiny pieces. The same as this can ultimately be said about just about any word - joy requires finding that unexplainable happiness that isn’t reliant on circumstance, peace requires living through the ups and downs of life with unfailing calm, hustle requires hunkering down to push through whatever life throws your way, and so on…

So this leads me to my word this year - healed. It’s no secret that we have faced four years of health challenges, one right after another. Derek was sick the first two years of our marriage and I was sick the second two. Hyperemesis, homecare, kidney issues, colitis, infections… We’ve spent a whole lot of time and money and prayer working toward finding healing. Now entering into our fifth year of marriage, I would love to think that at some point these struggles will come to an end and we can enjoy a life full of health!

But when it really comes down to it, choosing the word healed goes so much deeper. I need healing in my life in so many ways:

  1. Spiritual Healing - After living in a spiritual desert for far too long, I am craving true connection with God. I want to tear down the wall that has been built up around my heart. It was created brick by brick as a way to protect myself from what felt like chaos and hurt, but ultimately it has led to separation from the One who matters most.

  2. Emotional Healing - Walking through PPD after Eliana’s arrival was not exactly a surprise to me. Minor anxiety and depression have always been a challenge, but our rough start to pregnancy/motherhood and her challenging birth pushed me into an emotional darkness I could have never prepared for. Continuing to see my counselor, making space to process, and prioritizing my spiritual well being/healthy self-care all make up those little baby steps toward healing.

  3. Physical Healing - I am a stress eater. There, I said it… Food has been a coping mechanism for far too long and with all the stress and hardship we have lived through these past four years there’s no denying I’d like to lose a few pounds. But more than an actual weight loss goal, I want to feel good in my own skin and truly believe I am beautiful/worthy/enough/healthy. Through these health challenges (mostly infertility and hyperemesis), I’ve felt like my body is broken and I want to believe that it is enough again. I want to learn how to love my body now just the way it is and take care of it so I can truly teach my daughter these lessons too some day.

  4. Financial Healing - With a whole lot of health issues comes a whole lot of medical bills. Each and every day I am caught between being wholeheartedly grateful we are not in significant debt because of what we’ve faced and frustrated that we have not made any progress toward financial freedom and our saving is absolutely depleted. I don’t want to live in bondage to the things that I want or we don’t have. I want to look at our finances and only see joy and contentment. I want to trust God, that He will provide for our needs regardless of what that looks like.

All of these things pretty much coexist. I truly believe that making more time to connect with the Lord and listen to His voice will bring peace into my heart which will lead to acceptance and redemption emotionally which will give me energy and empowerment to make positive change. And then the whole cycle begins again. It’s really all about making one step and a time and doing the small things that lead to big change.

So here it goes. 2017, I am declaring you the #yearofhealed one little baby step at a time.

Do you choose a word of the year? If yes, I’d love to hear what you’ve chosen too :) Send me an email or comment below!